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the thing about dreams.

26 Apr

My sister calls me, because everyday after we text for twenty minutes we are always like, maybe we should talk on the phone? And so we do. It is easier to talk on the phone while washing dishes than texting and washing dishes, so it’s usually a pretty good way to multi-task. But this day I wasn’t washing dishes. I had done them the night before, after dinner, when I promised everyone in the house I wasn’t in a bad mood, yet for some reason I decided washing dishes was the ONLY CHOICE IN THE WORLD. “I’m not grumpy, okayyy???” (says girl while furiously scrubbing pan).

So my sister calls and I am doing the most uncharacteristic thing ever. Cleaning out my closet. Now, I’m pretty good about hauling things to the Goodwill on a weekly basis. I am really good at getting rid of things. The clothing is often sorted out as I fold it, and added to the ‘give away pile’ or often times the ‘garbage pile’. But being a purger by nature does not mean I am a cleaner by nature. They are two very different talents.

So I was in my room sorting through every item of clothing and every pair of shoes, the heap was getting pretty impressive. Also, my closet was suddenly manageable. And by manageable I mean there was no longer a dozen-ish pairs of shoes thrown in a pile on the floor. Of both the closet, and my actual bedroom.

My sister was like, “What are you doing?” and I was like, “I’m cleaning my closet, ISN’T THAT SO WIERD?” and she was like, “UM, ACTUALLY IT IS SUPER FREAKY BECAUSE I HAD A DREAM ABOUT YOU CLEANING YOUR CLOSET LAST NIGHT!!!”

I know, right?!

The dream she had involved her, my mom, and me all standing in my room and I was showing them how clean my closet was. And they were like, “But there are only 2 pieces of clothes in your closet, Anya. Where did you put everything?” And I was like, “I got rid of it all I am only wearing PPP clothing now.” And they were like, “But that means you only have a dress, a few shirts and some pajama pants.” And I was all, “I KNOW! COOL RIGHT?” And they were like, “That is so weird, you could have like, paced yourself, at least kept a pair of jeans.” And I was like, “NO. IT’S ALL OR NOTHING, YO.”

Okay, I don’t think I actually became a gangster in her dream. But dreams are all about interpretation, right?!

So then my sister and I were like THIS IS SO WEIRD>

Because it was, and also because dreams are weird in general. And not just the ones that happen when we close are eyes and go to sleep. The dreams we hold, that we are writing on the tablet of our heart, that we are fighting to make come true every day of our lives, are very weird sometimes, too. Or seem too crazy or too freaky or just like, make no sense.

But that is why dreams are so completely amazing.

I was reading a children’s picture book from the library. It is called An Awesome Book. And it was, awesome, because it was talking about dreams and that how somewhere along the way we stop dreaming about rocket powered unicorns and  magic watermelon boats and we start dreaming about fancy cars and houses with lots of rooms and I love that. I love a story written for kids about keeping our dreams crazy and weird and fantastic.

And I love that for me, too. I want to keep my dreams crazy and weird and fantastic. I want you to keep your dreams crazy and weird and fantastic, too.

Keep dreaming. Of clean closets and maybe, also, that little dream that that is hanging around your heart, that could be ten times bigger if you remember  it’s okay to have a dream that big. And even one ten times bigger than that.

And tell someone about it. Call them, don’t text them, and say, “Wanna hear about my crazy dream?”  And then tell them all about it. They will want to hear.

xoxo

 

using the back door, tonight.

9 Jan

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I feel like using the back door on my own blog tonight. I want to slip inside, unnoticed, maybe lean on the kitchen counter and take in whatever is going on around me. Maybe the real party is happening in my living room. Maybe friends are sitting around, on the couch and in the blue velvet chairs talking over  glasses of mason jars filled with boxed wine. It is cozy in the living room, I know, I am welcome  out there. But I just want to stand in the back ground for a bit, by the back door.

The holidays were good. Busy and good. And I really love the New Year. I love the possibilities, the plans. This feels like a good time of year. But this year just feels like a full blown scale-back. Scaling back in terms of commitments and pressure. Scaling back in terms of making a good impression and making people happy. Scaling back in terms of the actual scale after that Christmas Day butterscotch pie ( & more). I dunno. I just kinda want to use the back door and do my own thing.

Maybe I’m getting old. You know,  maybe I am becoming the old lady down the street who doesn’t wear a bra and is always sneaking out the back door to smoke a cigarette (or worse). Don’t worry, friends, I’m not there yet. I am still me through out, just  feeling quieter, yet braver, all at the same time and in all different ways.

Come on the back steps, if you like,  and sit with me, away from the party happening inside. I will share my lighter. If you sneak me out  a jar full of wine.

the moment you realize you are ‘that’ family.

27 Apr

This morning after I dropped the kids off at school I made a detour. One I have been making a few times a week for the past month. The Saint Vincent DePaul Thrift Store Furniture Annex .

I am in search of bunk beds. Like, desperately. Like my two little boys have been sleeping on matresses on the floor for the past two months desperate. Ever since I decided to rearrange the house in an afternoon.  Their beds finally fell apart mid-move. I wasn’t heart broken. They  were five years old, from IKEA and had probably bed disassembled, shoved and tortured at least a dozen times in their lives. I got my monies worth.

But see, little boys are these dangerous creatures. Who have a habit of playing with trucks at 4:30 am every day in their room because hey, there are NO BOUNDARIES WHEN YOU SLEEP IN A PILE OF BLANKETS ON THE FLOOR.

Little boys need boundaries.

Specifically, boundaries in the shape of a bed.

So I made my way to the S.V.D.P.T.S.F.A. again in search of beds less expenisive the the ones IKEA was tempting me with. But see, I really, really, really do not want to part with so much money for a few valid reasons:  a)I know the beds will be trashed if they are from IKEA {remember why we are getting beds in the first place?} and b) I want to be able to accomplish some savings goals I currently have in place.

Blah.

Anyways, I was in the store and found a rather cheap solution. For 40 bucks I got a twin size bed and a toddler bed. But as I was looking the beds over I was confused on what screws I needed and thankfully I looked over at just the right time. My friend was there and was able to help me figure out what screws to get. And then he helped me carry the beds to the car.

But the thing is, the entire time we were looking at the beds my little ones were being those kids. I had handed my 5 yo my coffee cup and now all 3 of them 4 of us were somehow doused in lukewarm brown liquid. I noticed that my daughter had about a dozen holes and snags in her bright red tights that matched *perfectly* with her adidas sweatshirt. My son had holes in both his knees that he was purposely making bigger while wearing mismatched rain boots on the wrong feet. And me? I had forgotten that my hair was in a pony tail on the very top of my head until I got in the car and drove away.

Did I mention the toddler who just about broke the baby swing he was climbing in and out of?

But the kicker is, and the reason I wanted to let you know that we are in fact that family, was that after I surveyed the scene, purchased the beds and got us all in the van- I still drove straight to the hardware store for screws.

Mismatched-snagged tights-coffe stained people that we were.

Thanks for loving us anyways…

2 year dreadiversary!

12 Apr

It is crazy to think I have had my little dreadlocks for 2 entire years. Part of me feels like I have always had them, the other part wakes up in the morning wondering where my hair went. I have dreaded  two times before in my life, and both involved a bunch of wax and basically everything else that was a big no-no. This time I went to an expert {not that my mom didn’t try,!}.

{my first ‘after’ shot!}

I had them put in by a wonderful lady in Portland who worked at a little shop and did dread perms. I know there is controversy on this ‘method’ but I was willing to pay some money to get them to stick this time. My hair, although a little curly is still pretty fine. And a dread perm was perfect for giving it the coarseness I needed for it to actually dread.

I wasn’t even going to go, actually. I had been telling Jer that for my 30th birthday I was going to take the plunge and do it. He said that was the dumbest thing he had ever heard. That life is short and why wait 2 years for what my heart really wants today?

He is a smart guy that jerber.

So he drove me down for my 28th birthday, and even held our 5 month old baby the 5 hours I was with the miracle worker.

It looks so undreaded then,huh? Well after this I didn’t wash it for 8 weeks.When I finally did, I did another controversial thing {but what the girl at the salon recommended} and got myself a little felting needle at the craft store and started felting my hair. I was so excited I started at like 4 am the morning after I got the needle and didn’t stop till I had felted all of my little baby dreadlocks.

{Here they are after my first felting.}

Well, after this I promptly forgot I had dreadlocks for approximately one year. Funny, but I don’t have a single picture of this time of just my hair. They really were not apart of my everyday life. They still aren’t. They are a piece of me. A piece that speaks to my heart, but they have a healthy place in my life.

Finally last summer I had Bela take a handful of pictures of my locks. And they look so different after a year!

I had a few feathers put in while I was in Maui and they are still hanging in there! I love the subtle burst of blue.

This is in January. I have a lovely dread ‘halo’ of lose hairs most always, and that is what they really are about for me. Letting go. Being okay with the crazy, the mess. AND I JUST LOVE THEM!

This was a picture taken in March in Orlando with my dread sisters:) Jer got me the pretty white flower bead for Christmas in my stocking. Aww….

I do think some additional color woven in would be fun, but no rush. That will happen when it is supposed to.

I feel like they are finally getting some length, which I am happy about. For a long time I just felt like they were constantly shrinking everytime I washed them. Also, it is interesting how how I used to be so concerned with how I washed them, how I slept in them. Now, I am very flexible with it all. If I am out of the house and feel like I want to wash them, I grab a bar of soap and wash with that. At home I use a simple baking soda/water solution and rinse with ACV. If I am out of those staples and there is a tear free bottle of kid shampoo I will use that. It is all about ease, about letting go. About not worrying about the lady at the grocery store pointing. Haha.

No, seriously.

I am so happy I did this 2 years ago and am not starting my dread journey now:) Life is short, ya know?!

 

crazy lady v.5.0

29 Feb

This week:

1. I made toast under the broiler. At 10pm. The kids were in bed and I was waiting for Jer to come home so I thought, obviously, I should make some toast. He came home to all the doors flung open, smoke billowing all around me and the very first thing he said to me was, You should take a picture crazy lady. So I did.. Man, I must have been pretty engrossed in Glee to not even notice till the smoke made it’s way to the living room!

2. Yesterday was a holy day in our home. One that requires a moment of silence. I FINISHED ALL THE LAUNDRY IN OUR HOUSEHOLD. And folded it. And put it away in actual drawers, as opposed to giant piles on beds that then get thrown to the ground at bedtime that then unintentionally get put back in the dirty clothes pile. But that wasn’t the part I wanted to talk about. After all the laundry was done I did an even more remarkable thing. I sat and paired up EVERY SINGLE SOCK. And then, the leftovers, those pesky leftovers that have been in that same bin for over 2 years, had a ceremonious death:

It was the first fire we have ever had in that fireplace and I must say it was a moment of truth, of clarity- I declare to never, ever have so many unmatched socks again that I must light them all on fire.

It was epic. And the children thought Dad and I were pretty varsity. Here’s a trick: If your kids think you are kinda lame, or you want to prove to them you are super cool- light something on fire. Seriosuly. It will work. And I have had my fun with fire in the past. I remember something about gasoline circles and driving through the flames in high school. Thank goodness there were no cell phone cameras back then, I would have SO been grounded!

3.It was crazy hair day at the kids’ school. Bela went with the pink and blue hair route, but Moses didn’t want that. So he decided to put clothes pins all over his head. He thought it was a touch more masculine:) I am proud of their choices.

4. I leave tomorrow for ORLANDO! Last night I dreamt that all my dreadlocks fell out and I was searching the Goodwill before I left for a scarf for my naked head. IS THE UNIVERSE TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING?!?!?

5. Speaking of ORLANDO, yesterday I packed my bag. Or at least tried too. Somehow in the midst of all my clean clothes I forgot how to put an outfit together. I had all my clean clothes sitting on my bed, but I couldn’t remember how to match jeans with a shirt. I am not joking. Does this happen to you when you pack? I mean, I know I have outfits because I wear them everyday. The same thing happens when I try and sit down and menu plan. I know I make meals every day but somehow when I try to think of 7 consecutive ones I find myself googling :What To Make For Dinner. It is so strange. And then I decide to make weird things like sloppy joes because that is what google says even though I would never, ever make them.

And regarding clothes at one pointI thought, oh I guess I can bring this giant orange and white mumu to wear. Ok, that has been in my closet for a year never worn once.Because even though I thought it was cool when I found it at the Goodwill, the fact is I went to Vegas and Maui and never once wore it because it looks hideous on- but for some reason I thought, oh, ‘When I go meet 90 strangers in Florida THIS is the perfect time to test drive this baby’. NO ANYA, NO! PUT THE MUMU DOWN!

What crazy thing has happened to you this week?

Love,The Crazy Lady

that crazy lady v.4.0

15 Feb

This week:

1. Maisey and Lincoln were invited to a birthday party at a nearby library! They picked out gifts and made cute cards and dressed in their finest. And then we got there.

And the kind librarian informed me the party was TOMORROW.

A day that already had plans for my family, therefore there would be no party for my two children.

So my sombrero wearing son, daughter and I crashed the Lego Club that was being held at the library instead.

And I spent two hours obsessively looking for white pieces to add to Maisey’s little cafe she was building. And by ‘she was building’ I really mean I was building. And no, I was not being controlling about where the cafe tables should go. No, not a bit.

2. I think I need to buy new socks. Or do laundry. My 4 yo is wearing one of my socks and one of his fathers.

3.We went to my parents farm to take care of the animals over the weekend. Imagine this scene, if you will, which all happened in about 5 seconds of being there:

Jer looks for dog food but can’t find it anywhere. I frantically call my mom who tells me it inside the house. So he gives Isabela the dogs on the leash to walk them while he goes inside for the food. Meanwhile Moses is at the hen house with a drill where he has lost the screw to close the coop for the night (a raccoon problem), well he can’t find it so I run up there and go inside the coop with him and the moment I get inside 4 sheep start moving in on me with a llama close behind and I start freaking out so I am yelling at them to move (which does not work) and then I start rotating the drill trying to scare them away (does not work). Meanwhile Jer is yelling outside the back door because Atticus has locked us out of the house and Maisey and Lincoln went upstairs and are pounding on the keyboard unaware of the fact the toddler locked us out. I look over and see Isabela screaming as the two dogs take off and start dragging her across the lawn, towards the chicken, barking, which, thankfully freaks the sheep out and they start running away. Thus, letting me out of the coop.

We are sooooo not meant to be farmers. Remind me never to get a pet.

4.I took 3 kids to the liquor store yesterday.

xoxo, that crazy lady.

that crazy lady v.3.0

8 Feb

So this week:

-Normally I am okay with the gas gauge light going off while I am driving around. Usually I am okay with clocking 20 miles over after the red light flashes. Yesterday I hit 21.7 and suddenly had a near panic attack while picking up the kids from school. I knew I had to stop because it was 5 miles back to my house. And no, it wasn’t for fear of running out of gas with 5 kids in the car and a husband busy at work.

The fear was due to the fact I was wearing running shorts, Uggs,  no bra, a tee shirt with coffee stains covered by my husbands GONZAGA oversized sweat shirt, and my hair? We won’t even go there. Exactly the kinda person you want to run into while pumping gas. Luckily, I didn’t see anyone I knew. OR if I did- they didn’t recognize ME because I looked like a train-wreck. (note: I was cleaning the house all day. That makes it better, right?)

-I watch The Bachelor. You all know that by now. But the issue is becoming bigger. You see, I was in bed on Monday night watching the ultimate in ‘no brain energy required’ television and somehow, I was getting fired up. And I mean fired up. To the point where my husband, who was reading beside me asked why I was freaking out (i.e. yelling at Ben- you know, a reality tv star!?). I responded with “I HAVE A RIGHT TO FREAK OUT WHAT IS HE THINKING CAN”T HE SEE THROUGH HER SHE IS SO FAKE OH MY GOODNESS SAKES WHY DON”T YOU UNDERSTAND?!?”

At which point I retreated with wine and chocolate covered pretzels, feeling a *little* embarrassed by my outburst.

So I ask, what is worse, watching the show or having actual, real, feelings about the outcome?

I woke up about 17 times that night in agony over why I cared so much about Ben and Courtneys fate. Not about them mind you, about WHY DOES IT MATTERS TO ME?!?

Be concerned.

-All I ate yesterday was tortilla chips & chocolate covered pretzels (get those demons out of my house!!). Also coffee and wine.

-You may be wondering about all these beautiful non-credited images in this post? Well, pinterest still hates me. If you are my friend on fb you know the agony I have been facing since I have been locked out of my virtual bulletin board account. I have now wasted hours attempting to log in.

To no avail. I’ve emailed them more then once and need to stop because my charming emails have turned into, well, not so charming. But as I go back to try and log in I keep seeing all these amazing things being pinned. It is so mean. It is like the universe is taunting me with wonderful things I can look at but cannot have. Or pin. Whatev.

Anyways, to get back at the universe, I began to steal these images. You know, the treats I want to make at some point, the craft I want to go back to and make . Well, my desktop is now dotted with these images that I dragged and copied.

Crazy lady that I am, I did not think through the fact all it is is an image. Not the link to the blog or website or tutorial or anything. So now it like the worst tease in the world. The images are on my desktop laughing at the fact I will never get to make home made twix bars.

Terrible people.

-I am eating cold jalepeno poppers for breakfast. With coffee.

xoxo, the crazy lady

the kids are alright.

27 Oct

While Jeremy and I were away in the city the kids were having fun too. Grandpa and Grandma had plenty of fun things planned. Caramel apples, new apps on the iPad and visiting a neighbors pigs make for a fun day!

Discovering.

Climbing High.

And Bunny Traps.And big brothers exploiting the younger ones.

Gotta love it.

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