‘Everyone who says this will be hard and scary and heartbreaking is right. But it’s ok. Life is scary and hard and heartbreaking. It’s also beautiful. It doesn’t have to be ugly messy. It can be the lovely messy too. You can be apart of the lovely mess.’
I have this life that I am really proud of. It includes a partner in crime and in love and in all the crazy stuff husbands bring to the table. His name is Jeremy, but I call him jerbear. We have been married
a decade 11 years.
I have a bunch of kids and they make me laugh more then I thought was possible. And cry more then I hoped was possible. And they remind me every day in a million ways what this thing is all about.
This life living.
This hard walk road that seems to get a lot harder before it gets easy, but my oh my is it beautiful.
And there are details. We all love the details.
When I was 25 and married for 6 years I had a son named Moses who was three and a son named Lincoln who was a babe and we knew we could always talk the talk but we wanted to walk the walk.
So we took it to the proving grounds.
And a few months later we welcomed Phoenix, 10 and Isabela, 7 and Maisey, 1 into our home through adoption. They were waiting US kids and we were waiting for them and a leap of faith became a bit more then that but they were home.
And then we had another baby boy. Atticus. Because that is what all sane people do. But it was amazing, as babies tend to be.
And now everyone keeps growing up and as much as I make them promise to stay small, they can’t. Their wings are growing just like their hearts and it is the heartbreakingly good thing about life.
We all keep on growing.
And now I am 31.
And my jerbear is a bit older then that.
And Phoenix is 15 and a teenager and redefining himself.
And Isabela is 12 and finding this strength in her soul.
And Moses is 8 and searching the world like he is searching his books.
And Maisey is 6 and discovering her spirit.
And Lincoln is 6 and full of force.
Everyone asks how I can get everything done and not be a wreck. And my answer is that I am a wreck. I mean, come on, I watch the Bachelorette.
But I also have a love for writing and a love for reading and a love for cooking and coffee and dreadlocks and movies and friendship and life.
And those things help keep me sane. And not such a wreck.
You know, the balance-finding part?