I am a very emotional person.
Sometimes it is a good thing. I go into things with a big heart and believing in real change. That is why I started the journey of adoption in the first place. I felt like I could change the world, one child at a time. I believed in the power of love and the power of hope and the power of redemption.
But sometimes being an emotional person doesn’t work to my advantage. Sometimes it actually makes things seem so much worse then they really are, so much harder to cope with, so much more unbearable.
For example, an emotionally even keel person could look at a situation with their children and utilize this beautiful thing in which I greatly lack: PERSPECTIVE.
Scenario: The child steals food from the kitchen and lies about it (for the 800th time) and my response would be: “Why can’t they trust me? Why are we still in the same place for years? Why is my life falling apart? I need some Ben and Jerry’s and wine because everything is crumbling around me wahhhahahaaaawaaaaaa.”
A person with a healthy perspective would say: “Man, that is lame. I guess I should figure out a better food storage solution. I am gonna go unload the dishwasher now.” And then they proceed to do this amazing, miraculous thing: Move On.
When I was in Orlando I had the opportunity to talk at length with a really spectacular woman. I kept saying how I was ‘feeling’ and how I wasn’t ‘feeling’ and how I just wish I had certain ‘feelings’.
To which she promptly told me: EMOTIONS ARE CRAP.
To which I wanted to say, “But I love my emotions. They stick by my side when everything else is falling apart. My emotions are my little babies who need me. They need me!!!”
But I didn’t because she hit the truth head on and I needed to get over myself.
Emotions are crap when they are getting in the way of real change and real growth.
I keep saying I want that real change, real growth (and I am talking about me here- not the kids)- yet I am standing in the same place and not going anywhere.
There is a saying in adoption circles, ‘Fake it till you make it.’ Meaning, even if you aren’t feeling something at the moment you can go through the motions and eventually you will get there. I personally hate that phrase. It is like a big ‘ole smack to my emotional headspace. I don’t want to fake anything. I want to feel it. I want to bask in it. And that is all good and everything until you realize nothing is moving forward. And how does that feel?
So, I am going to use this new phrase. It is one that feels better then ‘fake it till you make it’. It is one that is actually confronting my ‘issues’.
EMOTIONS ARE CRAP.
I will let you know how it goes:)