I am a very emotional person.
Sometimes it is a good thing. I go into things with a big heart and believing in real change. That is why I started the journey of adoption in the first place. I felt like I could change the world, one child at a time. I believed in the power of love and the power of hope and the power of redemption.
But sometimes being an emotional person doesn’t work to my advantage. Sometimes it actually makes things seem so much worse then they really are, so much harder to cope with, so much more unbearable.
For example, an emotionally even keel person could look at a situation with their children and utilize this beautiful thing in which I greatly lack: PERSPECTIVE.
Scenario: The child steals food from the kitchen and lies about it (for the 800th time) and my response would be: “Why can’t they trust me? Why are we still in the same place for years? Why is my life falling apart? I need some Ben and Jerry’s and wine because everything is crumbling around me wahhhahahaaaawaaaaaa.”
A person with a healthy perspective would say: “Man, that is lame. I guess I should figure out a better food storage solution. I am gonna go unload the dishwasher now.” And then they proceed to do this amazing, miraculous thing: Move On.
When I was in Orlando I had the opportunity to talk at length with a really spectacular woman. I kept saying how I was ‘feeling’ and how I wasn’t ‘feeling’ and how I just wish I had certain ‘feelings’.
To which she promptly told me: EMOTIONS ARE CRAP.
To which I wanted to say, “But I love my emotions. They stick by my side when everything else is falling apart. My emotions are my little babies who need me. They need me!!!”
But I didn’t because she hit the truth head on and I needed to get over myself.
Emotions are crap when they are getting in the way of real change and real growth.
I keep saying I want that real change, real growth (and I am talking about me here- not the kids)- yet I am standing in the same place and not going anywhere.
There is a saying in adoption circles, ‘Fake it till you make it.’ Meaning, even if you aren’t feeling something at the moment you can go through the motions and eventually you will get there. I personally hate that phrase. It is like a big ‘ole smack to my emotional headspace. I don’t want to fake anything. I want to feel it. I want to bask in it. And that is all good and everything until you realize nothing is moving forward. And how does that feel?
Even worse.
So, I am going to use this new phrase. It is one that feels better then ‘fake it till you make it’. It is one that is actually confronting my ‘issues’.
EMOTIONS ARE CRAP.
I will let you know how it goes:)
Oh man. I am so right there with you on the crazy emotional bandwagon! Great thoughts. Something for me to ponder today while I am pushing through my emotions, when I would much rather be in bed with some ‘Ben and Jerry’s and wine’ : )
You is strong. I know you are strong enough to navigate through this. You are an amazing person and I believe you are so brave for wanting to be better, stronger, whatever, for yourself and your precious kiddos. I am so incredibly lucky to have you in my life <3
Hmmmmmmmmmmm ok going to try this. MISS YOU! xoxo
I recently heard a “revamp” of fake it til you make it and I love it wholeheartedly-Act the way you want to feel.
Isn’t that perfect? And much easier to stomach. I adore the idea of choosing what I’d like to feel rather than putting on a show.
I can relate in so many ways:) I think its just a want for our kids to be and to do their best. I had a round with dishonesty with one of my kids and it snowballed into so many more lies that I was really shocked by the time we worked it all out with him. It hurt me so bad because I thought it was me. I thought “why cant he trust me?” And then I hurt for him. I was sad that he still had to “survive” even when he was safe. In the end I felt like it was important for him to see my sadness and to explain how important honesty was to our family and to his future. I explained that honestly was going to be the biggest obstacle in his relationships with us, his parents, with his future wife, and with his employer.
” Everything happens not one day at a time…but one choice at a time.” –backwoods mom
That being said, I think you have to survive your day in whatever way that keeps you healthy and happy:)