Archive | January, 2012

know your audience.

27 Jan

This week someone told me:

“I wonder who your audience is. I know it isn’t me.”

Wow. Okay. I could take it all personal or I could be Brave.

And laugh.

Because really, there is so much truth {for all of us} in those words.

We can spend our time talking or writing or texting or emailing or tweeting or singing or dancing or drawing or whatever other form of communication you can think of to people who just aren’t going to get it.

Ever.

And that is okay.

I am not doing whatever it is that I am doing for everyone to GET.

The most important thing to remember when you are Living Life, whether it is in the kitchen or in the office or in front of a computer screen or in front of a canvas or in front of a washing machine or a friends couch or the Starbucks drive thru-

KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE.

Who is this for?

What is this for?

Who is supposed to benefit here?

Is my audience getting something out of this show?

{and remember the show could be the making of pb&j or trying on shoes at the department store or  handing a bill to the cashier at the goodwill or saying hello husband when he walks in the door or you at the PTA meeting or telling your child ‘go to time out’ for the 18th time this hour}

Now, think about it, how are you engaging with your audience?

Are they responding?

Are they responding in the way you were hoping?

I am not saying be something besides your authentic self- but think about the work you are doing, creating. Is it reflecting your values, your point?

For me, regarding this little comment, it was about a piece of writing. One I am proud of. One I believe has power to the audience it was designed for.

Not everyone is my audience though.

Ever, really. In this situation my audience {for the writing piece} would be 16 year old girls. The person giving me feedback was a 50 year old man.

Know your audience. See things through their eyes, their hearts.

And do your very best for them.

Tags: , , , ,

that crazy lady.

25 Jan

Some Most days I feel like a crazy lady.

You know, the one in hippie girl pants, dreadlocks screaming at the top of her head, totting a toddler in pj bottoms, rain boots 2 sizes to big and breakfast all over his jacket.

She is also either late or very early (rarely exactly right on time) and has either had way to much coffee or not nearly enough (rarely does she hit that sweet spot).

She has a ‘system’ for organizing that includes Important Things in the junk drawer, the desk, the shelf in her bedroom and the vans passenger seat.

She forgot picture day 2 years in a row.

She was recently sent to collections for the second time in her life. For the same thing. Library Fines.

 

She serves her kids cake for breakfast. Often.

She hasn’t discovered the reason for The Smell in her car, but knows it has been three for the past two weeks.

She just rearranged the rooms. Again. Now her boys have slept in every bedroom of the house.

 

Laundry? What? And yes, that is Sharpie on the door.

She is refusing the grocery store and therefore will be making a combination of lentils,  corn tortillas and eggs for dinner.

Hmmm. Maybe the crazy lady should go to the store.

After she puts on a bra :)

 

Tags: , , ,

clearing a space {in your heart} for creativity.

21 Jan

It has been a series of days around here that are basically heaven. And I continue to share that joy with you, my blog readers, because I want to remind you that if you are in the middle of something really terrible or something really depressing or something seemingly impossible to get through- that you can. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It will be worth the trek. Truly.

But I know that in the midst of that, that it is hard to hear much of anything besides the negative thoughts rolling around that pretty little head of yours. I know, friend. I know.

I continue to gush {to myself mostly, and now to you} about my life one year ago. I remember the feeling of hopelessness. I remember being so sad and crying in my husbands arms because the truth of what our family was, with our son in a psychiatric hospital, and the reality of his ability to function in a family  {our family} was heartbreaking. Its like until your thoughts are validated from a medical team you think maybe you are imagining things to be worse, harder, more impossible, then they really are. Having him admitted made everything very real.

So while I was in that emotional head space, I turned my energy into creating something meaningful to me. I sat down at the kitchen table one year ago, coffee by my side, baby taking a nap, and began scribbling words on a page. I hadn’t done something like that since I was a child. Sure, I had 4 years of blogging under my belt- but this was different. This was inviting all those creative places within me out to play. This was me taking a risk- putting my heart feelings onto paper and seeing what they did in the real world.

So I began to create a little series of self-help children’s books. Books I wish my eldest son could have been read when he was a young boy. Truths I wish he owned in his heart. It was so therapeutic for me. I wrote these lines, which were really just words of love to my son, on a notepad and unknowingly set myself on this amazing journey.

This journey of self-discovery, self-awareness, self-love.

It has been an absolute, head over heels, adventure- and I know it is only the beginning.

See, I opened up this world for myself. One I didn’t even know I wanted to explore. One I didn’t know much about. And it has set me free.

I don’t know how in the world I could have gotten through these past twelve months without choosing to take hold of my emotions and doing something positive with them. It is so easy to sink underneath the pain and heartache of it all, but the real power is reining those feelings in and doing something bigger then yourself with them.

It could be biking a long distance or picking up the guitar or learning to paint or whatever is your thing.

Taking that little seed of an idea, the one you have deep down and planting that seed, nurturing that seed, saying- Yes, You Can Grow Here. Now. 

I know sometimes we just need to get under our down comforter, red wine in hand and watch reality tv or something. And I get it. Sometimes that is the absolutely most healthy thing to do. But sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes that isn’t what our heart needs, sometimes, and you will know when my friend, you will–it is time to take a shower and put on some eyeliner and begin creating room for your heart to process the Stuff.

 And what I just wanted to say, from my heart to yours, was that the process is beautiful. And worth it.

You are worth it.

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

riding the wave of creativity.

12 Jan

 

Sometimes when I am writing it feels like such a slow go, stop and go, don’t know which way to go.

But sometimes you hit the sweet spot, you know the spot; after you have been paddling for way to long, trying to catch a wave of inspiration, after all that perspiration: you get it.

It comes over you like a rush and soaks you through and you just know that it is going to be a sweet ride.

I love that place. It makes up for all the hours that came before, when you were struggling for breath, trying to stay afloat- when you almost decide it’s to hard and you just want to swim to shore, dry off and drink a mai tai.But oh my- don’t quit now, that little voice says. This is where it is gonna get good.

Itf it was easy and quick all the time, if it was always smooth sailing everyone would be doing it.

Cuz if you want it, you have to fight for it, through it- go get it.

And try to stay in that sweet spot for as long as you possibly can.

xoxo.

 

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

vulnerability & writing.

10 Jan

The thing about being Brave is that it can put you in a place of vulnerability.

I wrote a novel last year. It was a powerful experience for me on many levels.

::I had to carve out time for myself every.single.day.

::I was able to follow through, beginning to end, with something.

::I processed things going on in my life as I wrote the story, it was therapeutic for me, as the timing was impeccable.

But the vulnerable part wasn’t completley tied up in the writing. It is in what has been happening since I wrote it.  See, I would like  the pages to be on a shelf at a store one day. In order to do that I have to put myself out there.

Putting yourself out there sucks. 

I have given my book to people in my life to read. Some people never read it, or have little to say about it. Some people read it and gave me the accolades I was feeling desperate for, some people have given incredibly helpful advice, suggestions, ways to rework and improve places in the plot. I don’t judge anyone for what they did with the pages once I handed them over- we are all different, in different places. One persons words do not move us while they are a favorite of someone else’s. I don’t expect a story about a 15 year old pregnant girl to touch everyone’s hearts.

In the handing over of the pages, though, I am saying, ‘Take this little baby and do what you want with it.’ Of course, I would hope they are gentle, ripping apart isn’t very helpful, but I recognize that I must be Brave when I hand pieces of myself out. What will I learn, how will I grow; as a writer, as a person, if I keep everything close? I will not.

And oh, how I want to grow- be better, brighter, bolder.

So I click send to a few more people this morning, ones who I respect and appreciate. And I know in the sending of the 46,000 words I will be vulnerable & Brave & okay with what happens next. Because it is all about going there, even when we don’t know exactly where that is.

Tags: , , , ,

the thing about being brave.

9 Jan

One thing I am working on this year is eliminating things that I don’t love.

Sometimes though, my ideas get a little wild.

Case in point:

I sold my entire living room {and dining room table} on Craigslist.

In theory, go Big Or GoHome is awesome. It’s bold- It’s Brave, even.

In reality it’s really just sorta empty :D

I was excited as I posted the items, right? Happy as even the leftover things that have been unused in the garage started to disappear to new homes. Good bye armoire, desk, broken futon.

And then came the call about the couch, the love seat, the chaise. I was already committed- but the following through? Oh my.

And I knew I had started something I wanted to finish so I gave my address, opened the door and said adios to the things I sit on, lay on, live life on.

It wasn’t that I loved those pieces. No, they were things I had been given or handed down, goodwill purchased or craigslist buys themselves. They were a collection of shabby chic items that fit my budget and fit the bill.

They were well worn and well used but not well loved.

I want to sit on things I love.

Even if it just means one new love a month {or every 6 months- do you know what a FULL priced couch costs?!}.

I want to be Brave in this empty space. The first thing I said to Jeremy was, ‘Well now we can’t have anyone over and this was just so stupid and all I do is sit on my couch and drink coffee and now where will I drink my coffee and sit and what the heck was I thinking?!” ::enter mild hysteria::

And then I was grateful I wasn’t married to myself because he told me that this was going to be awesome and we were going to be so happy we went for it and that we can sit on pillows on the floor and we will create a space, in time, that fills our cup.

And so here I am. Sitting at my desk, on one of the few chairs in my house cruising around on pinterest, imagining colors that my me swoon and fabric that makes me melt. But I wanted to come here to tell you, that this being Brave thing is wild and free and that is what I want my life to be.

…any decorators out there……

Tags: , , , , , ,

word of the year and what that means.

4 Jan

My word for 2011 was Peace. I think I claimed it for myself at the start of the year when I was in a  place of panic, fear, over-whelming emotions and complete exhaustion. A good place, right? Ugh. I feel like that word got lost somewhere when everything began truly unraveling with Phoenix. Quickly the idea of Peace was the very last thing on my radar. I was much more about Survival then Tranquility. And to that end I am thankful for the many, many people who helped keep me grounded in the midst of that.

But that year is gone. And so much of the daily turmoil is gone as well. I know I ‘ve been talking about the peace in my home, the good stuff going on in my family, the joy my kids are bringing me. And I don’t want someone to ever read that and think I am full of it or my self or that I am one of those bloggers who is always raving about the beauty of it all. I’m not. But to truly understand where I am coming from, for example, when I say Christmas Break was some of the best weeks of my life, you have to remember our home one year ago. On January 6th of last year the police were in my home (again) my son had broken the window, tried to physically restrain me, threaten me, ran away. I was attempting to keep my 3 toddlers safe as he ran throughout our home demanding money. I sat in the ER while my son was getting his evaluation to be admitted to the mental health inpatient unit. It was hard and heart breaking and I am telling you- even writing that is giving me a bit of a panic attack. I am still processing what it has all meant to my family. To me as a mother. That day changed me.

So now- one year {well, 2 days short} later things feel very different in my home, my heart. The fear is gone and I know Phoenix, at boarding school, is safe and that in turn gives our house a sense of safety we hadn’t felt in a few years. Somehow, although I forgot it mid way through the year when counseling appointments were ruling my life, I found Peace. Not at all how I wanted it to look. I wanted the Peace to come in a prettier package. I wanted it to come with faster healing, with my nearly 14 year old son living in my home {and healthy}. I never expected to find the peace with him not here.

And so I try to move forward. Forward because I know that this past year was hands down the toughest of my life. And that is amazing because I. Got. Through. It.  I made it through harder things then I thought possible. And I am still standing, friends.

Which brings me to my word for 2012:

BRAVE.

I feel the peace now, and in that I am ready to found out more about being BRAVE.

Being Brave can be scary and about risks and about putting yourself out there. About doing hard stuff, courageous stuff.

About saying Yes when it would be easier to say No. Or vice-versa.

About believing in your gift and fighting for the ability to share it.

About dedicating the emotional energy you don’t know if you have for the stuff that will liberate you.

I enter this year in such a different place then last and there are no words to express the fullness of that. But that is the point of marking our years I suppose. We shouldn’t end one in the same place we started. We must continue to move forward, fighting for the momentum to continue onward and upward.

xoxo.

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

all is new, all is bright.

3 Jan

The new year was ushered in with Raclette, friends, and Aviation Martini’s. It was grand. As most things including melted cheese are.

The pictures got all wonky, and that is okay. I am feeling wonky today too. The kids are back in school for one and for two I did my first ever P90X work out. Enough said. I did another thing also, but I will save that for tomorrow because it is the first way I am kicking off using my 2012 WORD OF THE YEAR! But it will have to wait.

For now, I am going to keep staring at these pictures because they make me smile. Fireworks at Midnight with new neighbor friends (hello Dick!). Preparing food for people I love and enjoying it with them! A family that makes me grin, really grin- not the grin and bear it sort. The I Am Grinning Because Life Is Precious And We Get To Share It Together Sort.

I was not ready for Christmas Break to end. I wanted to hold on longer, deeper. I just had 2 of the very best weeks of my life. No joke. And yes, I remember going to Maui last summer with my man {and no kids!}. What I am saying is, it was good people, real good. And I know how very lucky I am.

In other {happy!} news, my dear brother Andre is going to be wed! And that means I am extra lucky to have a new sister in law in my family who is just so wonderful.

Are you grinning now too? I hope so, life is short. Live it well.

xoxo.

Tags: , , , , , ,

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 150 other followers