Over Memorial Weekend I went to Vegas with my mother and sister. It was one of those times when all the busy and crazy and stressful parts of life disappear for three days and instead you can sit on the Sex in the City slot machine for way to long.
And drink free champagne.
I would do lots of things for free champagne.
Luckily in this case all I had to do was insert a
one twenty dollar bill.
I had never done a trip like that with the women in my family, but it is refreshing to see people out of their daily environmnets and let loose on a dance floor. It does a body good.
One night while we were there we went to the Cirque du Soleil Beatles show. Uh.mazing.
But after the show I was getting moody. My eyes hurt from wearing contacts so much more than in regular life (I needed to wear sunglasses!), my feet hurt from my ridiculous Jessica Simpson high heels and I was hungry.
Anya hungry is never, ever a good thing.
Anyways, I basically was a party pooper, and couldn’t keep the night going. I was over it. So I went back to the hotel and went to sleep.
The next morning over breakfast I apologized for being so emotional the night before. My mom and sister laughed at me.
Like, not laugh at what I said, but laughed like, ‘Anya you have always been a totally emotional person. Last nights meltdown was no surprise. We know you. We get you.’
And that felt comforting.
Because people knowing you, being real with them is a good thing.
Sometimes being real is easy, I am with my kids all the time. Like when I scream ‘If I step on one more Lego in the kitchen I am throwing them all away!’
Or when a child walks into the kitchen and sees me crying as I unload the dishwasher, or when I turn the music up real loud in the car and do a drive by dance party to Katy Perry.
They know where I’m at.
I wear my heart on my sleeve.
Usually it is good, sometimes it is hard and makes life more difficult. Right now I am in the throes of parenting a particular child and being so caught up in the nitty-gritty details- having opinions and feelings and caring so dang much doesn’t give much space to let go of some of it. It is hard to say, ‘I don’t need to be emotionally wrapped up in this event, this situation- I can walk away’.
I can spend money easily and don’t wince when I do, it is those emotional investments that are so hard to loosen my grip on.
I am trying, trying to just go back to the hotel room and go to sleep.